How are you feeling today?
I’ve made it one of my promises to start blogging again. Given that I’m a serial reflector, I felt that it would be nice to offer some reflection through blogging, which is often influenced by the conversations I have with my beautiful clients and ‘Journal To Dreams’ family over on Instagram. Transparency is something that I pride myself on, as I feel that when you’re looking for a Coach, Mentor or Therapist, you want to have a sense of the journey they have embarked on, to see whether this resonates and aligns with your story. Only then can you decide if they’re a good match for you.
With that being said, I wanted to share some of my recent reflections and journaling. Since I turned 30, I have had a lot of realisations and I think that’s mainly because I have ventured into the process of shadow work on a deeper level. Now, to give you a brief definition of shadow work its basically working on the darker parts of yourself that you have locked away and repressed over a long period of time. This maybe in the form of negative thoughts and emotions, historical events, childhood trauma, anything that you have been scared to confront. Now, on reflection something I remember since the age of 18 is that I worked, hustled, grafted and when I had time to relax or ground, I would fill the gap with more ‘productivity’, more work, another project, another course. And its only when I started this shadow process that I Identified this was an issue. So let me ask you this.
Do you attribute your self-worth to productivity?
Let me give you a minute to digest this because its huge. Let’s unpick this and explore how it may apply to your life. How many times have you been told go to school, university, get a good job, work hard and success will follow? I know you’re nodding right. So, with that message being the golden thread from an early age many of us were taught that such behaviours created productivity. And the result of this leads to a fear of being still, fear of resting and relaxing because that’s not what constitutes as productivity and success. Does this resonate?
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, WE ARE THROWING THAT BELIEF, THAT CONCEPT AND THAT UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION OUT THE WINDOW. Because burn out is real. And it should not be a caveat for productivity and success.
I can tell you that first-hand. I have worked since the age of 18 to work my way up in my career. Working long hours, sacrificing time for myself, over delivering to finally get to the point of the idealised success that I created in my mind to feel absolutely nothing, if anything to feel numb. So many people tell us what we need to do, but very few tell of the feelings when you get there.
In the name of transparency even as a Coach and Therapist, I still occasionally attribute my self-worth to productivity even though I have the first-hand evidence which tells me this is a huge discrepancy. So, I really want to offer some tips about how you can dispel the belief that productivity equates to self worth. I have developed the tools to reframe my thoughts when these beliefs do creep in and I want to help you do the same.
So, what can you do? Well, here’s what has helped me:
Unlearn the theories we were taught as children
Yupp that’s right, let go of the outdated belief systems that success and self-worth equates to hustling, working hard, all hours, because that’s your quickest way to burn out. Make a list of all the theories you were taught as a child. Outdated beliefs that no longer fit your current narrative. Then work towards reframing these beliefs. The good news is that YOU can unlearn these beliefs.
Understand that your value is innate not based on what you have
This one is huge and I get it. It’s difficult because we’re surrounded by a world where people want to show off achievements and material gain. As Cliché as this sounds. There is not another person on this planet like you, who holds the same values, skills, talents, experiences. You have your own unique road map. Anyone can go out and purchase an identical handbag, but no one can impersonate you. So, its time we started using that to our advantage.
Follow your intuition
Yes! That’s right. Does your heart match your feet? Are your heart and your feet in sync? If something does not feel right, you need to explore this. You’ll know its not aligned because it will have an impact on your physical being. So, take note because your intuition is your best friend, she will take you places.
Learn to be still
I know this one Is easier said than done. The way that I overcame this was by finding things that I enjoyed doing. For me it was sitting with mother nature, journaling, and lighting candles. These give me the ability to relax, unwind and recharge. So have a think about something that helps you to feel relaxed (this will be trial and error) and aim to do this at least once a week to begin with.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. You can either use the comments section or message me on message me on Instagram.
Thanks for being here.